she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
