your parents love me but you hate me
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
