so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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