I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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