Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I smell stomach acid.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
