The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Randomize
