I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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