So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
