Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
