time to smoke my breakfast
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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