If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
