Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
