do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
