im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
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For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
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And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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