I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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