he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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