Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
