last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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