Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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