Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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