I will die if light touches me.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
