I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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