i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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