I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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