i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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