Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
