im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
