were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
