I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
