Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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