You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just high enough for therapy.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
