So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
