I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
