We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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