I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Randomize
