i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
