I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
