i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
