did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That accounts for only three of the penises
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
