I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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