She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
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When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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