Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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