So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The ass gains better be worth it
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