2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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