I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
