I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am mentally ready for anal.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
