we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm both gender and math confused
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
