the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
