I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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