No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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