He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
