Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
