I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
