Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
