The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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