Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
