ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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