So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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