what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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