I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize