If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
