I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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