He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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