Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Randomize
