oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
