A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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