I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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