Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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