I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
