the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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