i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
