You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
