I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
false alarm, still single
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
