I'm gonna have a badass scar
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
