If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
