and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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