If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize