eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I have peed in a lot of sinks
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
