The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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