Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
