mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
