the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
