Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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