Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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